Approaching women can be tough, no doubt about it. And trying to get this part of your life handled can take some time and it can be frustrating. One thing that most guys really don’t think about when they are learning how to approach women is what is your intention and what is your goal AFTER you have approached her. See, just having the kahunas to get up and walk over to her is only one minor part in the grand scheme of things.
Once you get past the initial resistance of getting yourself to actually walk up to women, it usually becomes a problem that starts to solve itself. Meaning… once you get used to actually doing it, you won’t hesitate as much when you see a woman you like and you decide that you want to get to know her.
So, once that part of the equation is over, what do you do next?
That’s where the intention, the goal that you have needs to be clear. Without clarity, you might walk over to a woman, no problem, and then end up stammering over some lifeless conversation and small talk and realize… there are no sparks at all.
When that happens, you can make one of two decisions.
You can expect that this was just the ‘wrong’ woman and think that the next one will be different… or, you can take a look at where it all went wrong and see if there is something that you can do so that it DOESN’T happen again to you again. Most guys will make the first choice because it is easier. They can just rationalize that there were no sparks because it was the wrong girl, and not because they fudged it all up.
Problem is, once you allow yourself to be ‘off the hook’ for this, you are really not going to learn anything from it at all. So, you will approach the next woman and do the same thing. And you will keep on doing this and become either a guy who gives up and assumes that he just doesn’t have what it takes or you will end up setting your sights lower on the scales and start going after less desirable women.
Either way, you lose!
Hands down, it is much better to own up to the fact that there probably are some improvements that you can make to the way that you approach a woman. If you found that you really had nothing to say at all to her, then that is obviously the area that you need to work on. So, let’s get back to the original idea of knowing what you want AFTER you make your approach.
- Do you want a conversation with some flirting and that’s it?
- Do you want to get the woman’s phone number and possibly get a date with her at some other time?
- Do you want to bypass the other two options and try to hook up that night?
Anytime that I approach a woman, I already know in my mind what I want out of the situation. Sometimes, I really am just in the mood to have a little fun flirting and that’s it. Sometimes, I know that I have somewhere else to go and so, all I want is the phone number so that I get the chance to hook up at a later date. And a lot of the time… I want to hook up that night!
The reason why it is so important to know what it is that you want, is because that will kind of dictate how you talk to her, what you talk about, and also how much time you spend with her. If you just want a number, for instance, building up a 10 or 15 minute conversation is MORE than enough. If you want to hook up, you may need to spend more time than that.
Knowing what you want to do AFTER you approach a woman sets up the whole interaction before you even get on over to her. You don’t have that cloudy and confused feeling, you know what you want, and she will sense that and respond accordingly. Of course, it does not always mean that you will get what you want, but it does mean that you won’t stand there and go blank and make a fool of yourself.
The approach IS one of the harder things for a guy to get handled. Discovering how to approach women is just the beginning…